Professional Success Is not Personal Meaning

Wow, John's Substack is kinda fire??

What are we building and why? A question that often troubles me is whether we are just making money for the sake of money. A few billion dollars in deals later, up from when I was unemployed in 2019, things have changed fast, but ironically, I feel more stuck than ever. As dollars move, companies exit, the sun rises and sets, my family gets older, and the seeds you sow come due, the question comes back: do I want more of what I’ve already had my fill of?

Honestly, the future looks too easy: the couple of billion-dollar fund will come together within 12 months, my consulting business is ripping, and dinners with heads of state/ambassadors are on the docket at my personal home, but the reason for all of this is starting to elude me. About a year ago, I helped my friends sell their company to NVIDIA. When the dust settled, they went into NVIDIA, and I was on to my next adventure. My friend Alec looked at me and said, “So, you can do anything. What’s next?” At that moment, I really struggled because I truly could do anything, and I chose to do more of the same, mainly because I didn’t know anything other than how to create & scale new businesses. At 30, I’ve made it; there’s no doubt I’m at the top, but really, I don’t think it’s my top; it’s society’s, and it’s not worth it to me. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, just unfulfilled. In the last year, I’ve driven across the US 4 times, looking for meaning but only found empty land, gas station beef jerky, and roadside pool halls.

Today, I’m starting down 6 years of ripping full speed at work, wondering if I want to build a taller tower or start from scratch somewhere else. There have been too many moments in the last year that I’ve looked around and said, “man, that seems cool, but that’s not something I do,” a mold I’ve created for myself that I continue to fill. This year, before the New Year, I plan to take my time not to change that mold but break it. There’s a chance I’ll get left behind in my field, cooked by irrelevance and missed texts, but there’s also a chance I’ll find something worth building. Foundations are critical, and the one I’ve built is shiny but does little for me, so call me if you’ve got something fun. I don’t wanna do another M&A deal; I wanna help my friends with something meaningful, something personal. For those who do send me work, that’s great; I’d love to hear from you. However, you’ll most likely end up chatting with one of my colleagues, and I’ll be working on something that hits a little closer to home.

So please call, text, write, but do it because there’s something you’re interested in building something meaningful, not another chatbot. Let’s do something that actually helps the people in this country, not just extracts value. This country has done an immense amount for me and my family, it feels time to give something back. This year, I don’t plan to fall back into the trap of “for every dollar I make I can spend it on helping people”, that’s the utilitarian fallacy, the idea that help and goodness is quantifiable, our actions are what they are in the moment, not some abstraction of their value built into a spreadsheet. There’s no amount of money you’d pay to see a family member who’s passed away, and there’s no amount of goodness that can be derived from a single action. So let’s build something personally meaningful and not let ambition crowd out our experience. - John

(Also welcome to my BLOGG new readers, you’re now joining my 3 family members and most recent ex-girlfriend as readers, thanks for making it this far!)